Inappropriate jokes

I apologize beforehand if anyone is offended by these jokes... so be forewarned.

I was talking to Ed on the phone while driving home from work today and we got onto the topic of someone visiting an online friend who lived far away (airplane ride away). The girl wrote the guy a message, like "I had so much fun visiting you this weekend." I was like, "Dude, for all I know, she might have been raped" because I forgot that she wrote that message to him. So Ed had to remind me, "I doubt she did if she said she enjoyed her weekend." And that's when the inappropriate laughs ensued.

Ed joked about how the message might have been written: "Oh, I had so much fun this weekend. The best part was when you raped me. It was just amazing." And I was like adding onto this imaginary letter by saying, "Yeah, I've been raped 5 times before, and you're the best one yet." We decided that it would be a great psychological way to mess with rapists. "Out of all the guys who've raped me, you're my favorite one!"

Oh man, if hell exists, I think I am going there for sure.

This reminds me of the time my family were joking about death. So my family tends to buy graves before they die and those who haven't were interested in getting one. So we were at the cemetery for "Grave Sweeping/Cleaning Day" (Chinese holiday where you visit your loved ones' grave and clean it and have a picnic with them) and this cemetery representative comes up to us to let us know that they were having a 2 for 1 deal that ends in a few days, like 2 graves for the price of 1. My family was like, "Wow, what a great deal! That's so ideal for couples!"

Relative: "So the two graves are next to each other?"
Cemetery dude/representative: "No... they're on top of each other."

And that's when my entire family gave a weird face and tried not to laugh. After he left, one relative started talking to my dad: "Hey, shouldn't you start thinking about getting a grave for yourself?" And my dad said, "No, I'm still young. I think it's time for YOU to start getting one."

We couldn't stop laughing about the "on top of each other" part for the 2 graves.

Relative looking at his wife: "You know, whoever dies first has to be on the bottom."

So bad.